If you are lucky to be able to take a parental leave, you will know that it can be a fun but also a trying experience. Not only are you learning to take care of an infant; but if, like me, you had a 9 to 5 job before, you might have a hard time with being a stay-at-home parent. In Canada, we can take a parental leave for up to 18 months. While it’s only been four months, I have learned a tremendous amount about our daughter, carrying for newborns, and also about myself. Here are some observations on early motherhood that ring true to me today.
1. Embrace slow living while on parental leave.
You might miss the speed, structure, and predictability of your life before baby. Instead of lamenting what you once had, commit to your current experience fully. This is only a season of your life and it will be over soon. For now, learn to enjoy the slow strolls, house work, reading, watching TV, and day napping–yes, I believe you can do all of these things if you let yourself with a small baby.
2. C’est Christine said on Instagram that she believed early motherhood to be a self-fulfilling prophecy. I agree.
You will get to know your baby and their limits, but please don’t stop trying to do things with your baby despite those limits. Don’t decide that a single negative experience should determine all future experiences. Keep trying to do things you like with your baby and you might be surprised. Babies change all the time and they can change their minds about things. You will never know unless you try.
3. Slow, incremental change and a positive environment are a way to teach a baby anything.
“They will eat if they’re hungry enough,” for example, is not an advice that works on young babies. A baby that is upset will not cooperate. Also, give at least two weeks to try to teach a new or break an old habit.
4. Expect things to change all the time. Don’t fight and lament the change, but adopt and move on.
5. You can workout, eat healthy, and read books while taking care of an infant. Just don’t expect these activities to look like what they did before you had a child. Short, consistent practices will take you a long way.
6. Allow your baby the space to practice playing by themselves and concentrating on an activity on their own.
7. When all else fails, go outside. Going outside is great for you and the baby.
8. Buy larger jeans, cut the hair that’s falling out, and don’t expect your body to feel the same, to fit into the old clothes, or perform like it used to before pregnancy. Embrace the new body, allow for this to me a transformative rather than limiting experience, and move on.
9. You’re in it and everything you are doing daily with the baby feels like a very big deal. Try to remember the big picture: today’s struggles are only a small fraction of both of your lives. For example, breastfeeding is important but it will not define your relationship in the future and the time you spend breastfeeding is very short in relation to the rest of your and your child’s lives.
10. Take time to reflect on your experience.
When things are tough and overwhelming, we may wish to skip forward to when it gets easier or when we feel more adequate. But this is life too. Reflecting on your experience allows you step outside of the messy reality and approach is as a season in your life. Also, keep in mind that the messy, tiring days (for you) are your baby’s actual life. Make the days worthwhile for your baby.
11. Go to bed early and stay in bed until you get all of the hours of sleep that you need. My routine lately is 11-12 hours in bed with the baby with multiple night feeds and a pumping session whereby I manage to get close to nine hours of sleep.
